lost my way

“lost my way and i can’t get back”

she always had suffered a little from depression and anxiety from time to time since she was a kid. but she could always bounce out. she could be happy. somehow in the past few years she has fallen deeply into this hole and didn’t realize how far she fallen.

depression/anxiety is a weird thing. those who do not have it can not really understand it. this current of negative thoughts and worry always underlying everything in your head. talking and talking and eventually drowning everything else out. there is no choice. these thoughts become all you know. it becomes a vicious cycle. you worry about something. the worrying makes you upset and sad and mopey. in that mood you do not do anything, you begin to procrastinate, become lazy and unmotivated, pushing others away. those actions then cause the thing you were worried about to happen. it is like a self fulfilling prophecy.  scared of failing so don’t try. scared of losing people and believe they will leave you so you will unconsciously push them away by pulling away yourself and being so negative they don’t want to deal with you.

depression is like this never ending maze of darkness she is stuck in. she can’t find her way out anymore. just when she thinks she might be ok, she finds she is way deeper then she ever was before. the way begins to decay more and more. she is lost. sincerely and truly lost in this darkness. she continues to search a way out. she wants to be happy. she wants to know what it feels like to have no worries. no negative thoughts streaming in the background. she wants to be free again. but as she continues she works her way deeper and deeper into the madness.

this image is loosely titled from the nine inch nails song “even deeper” i highly recommend a listen to this amazing song or even just a peek at the lyrics as they truly illustrate what i wanted to express in this image.

 

**note this post was originally from Feb. 9, 2014